Depressed

Depressed is how i am feeling now. I feel down, irritated, alone, lost and not loved at all. I think i really might have depression without myself knowing it. i feel down cos the attachment ahead of me seems tough, i feel irritated due to the weather, due to the fact that i cannot see you now even though i miss u so much and that our conversation ended up in a quarrel, that you always have to ask me ' Why are you always like that huh?' There are times where i dont know how to explain why i do certain things, why i behave certain way..and this is the time where i cant answer you immediately cos i was busy holding back my tears, busy trying to piece together why i was feeling this way, trying to refrain from telling you i really do want to see you but know that its not such a gd idea to come over now cos you really should spend time at home. I cannot give you a definite answer to what i want cos i am a girl!! i certainly dont need to handle your impatient and bloody insensitive side of you now.
To you, i am just being unreasonable and throwing one of those tantrums again. To you, I AM ALWAYS LIKE THIS. Let it be then...

I feel lost cos i dont know what i want to do after i can finally complete the course. I regret my choice and hate it for feeling that way cos thats really no point in feeling that way now, cos its not gonna change anything.

I feel sad to see my grandfather deteriorating like that..

I hate to have to overcome obstacles to get things going, i dont feel like putting in any effort in doing anything..call me a quitter, a loser, a whatever. I dont care.

i am tired, i just want a break. I want to do whatever i feel like and not having to explain and please someone.

Just too bad..things are not going to go the way i want it to be cos the world just has to go in this sucky way...